


Hold On to Me

by CaptainChilly



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Divergence, Established Relationship, Feeling Incompetent, M/M, Referenced Nygmobblepot, Self-Doubt, keeping secrets, reassurance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-12
Updated: 2019-08-12
Packaged: 2020-08-20 05:37:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20222683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaptainChilly/pseuds/CaptainChilly
Summary: When Ed tells Jim of Oswald's past love for him, Jim begins to question his relationship.





	Hold On to Me

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to my Gobblepot wives in the Gotham server especially [BlackArticFox](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlackArticFox/pseuds/BlackArticFox) who plotted this with me! <3

After weeks of pursuing The Riddler through elaborate puzzles and mazes, Jim finally catches up with him in Cherry’s, the club Lee had taken over in The Narrows. He’s exhausted from long days at the GCPD trying to solve each puzzle and save the innocent lives at the end of it. He just wants to finish this case and go home to curl up with his boyfriend.

Jim walks up behind Ed, who is enjoying his grasshopper at the bar, and puts his hands on his hips, pushing his suit jacket back to expose his badge.

“Nygma,” Jim says, almost coming out as an annoyed sigh.

Ed slowly turns to face Jim with a huge grin on his face. 

“Jimbo! Fancy seeing you here!” Ed exclaims with faked happiness. “You look exhausted! Can I offer you a drink?”

Jim sighs. “Ed, we both know I have to arrest you for what you’ve done. I’m not here to exchange pleasantries. Either I can read you your rights and you can come quietly or you can try to run but either way you’re leaving here in handcuffs.”

“Oooh, kinky,” Ed says with a wink. “And here I thought you only had eyes for my dear friend Oswald.”

Jim rolls his eyes and pulls out his handcuffs. “Edward Nygma, you’re under arrest for—”

Ed cuts him off with a laugh. “Speaking of your  _ boyfriend _ , though, he’s probably been so lonely, home all alone with you running around.”

“And who’s fault is that?” Jim growls.

“You should get better at solving puzzles then, Jim,” Ed says. “If he were my boyfriend I’d be home with him every night.”

Jim scoffs, “If Oswald was your boyfriend he’d be even more lonely since you’re going to Arkham, Ed.”

“You know he could have been my boyfriend. Back when he was mayor and I was his amazing chief of staff, he had this crush on me.” Ed says before thoughtful adding, “Well actually he was in love with me.”

This causes Jim to pause for a moment. He always assumed Oswald had feelings for Nygma with the way he looked at him and touched him during the press interviews but to have it confirmed by the man of Oswald’s interest was a whole nother ballgame. And to say Oswald was  _ in love  _ with Ed...

Ed smiles widely at Jim’s pause. “Oh, you didn’t know? Yeah he was so in love with me that he killed my girlfriend to have me for himself. Of course that didn’t work out for him at the time. Sometimes I wonder if he still has feelings for me. I mean he’s still very… handsy when we meet up…”

Jim’s fists clench and he knows Ed is trying to provoke him but it’s working. What if Oswald did have feelings for Ed? Right now Ed would seem like a better boyfriend choice since Jim hasn’t been able to be home a lot recently. Finally, he growls out, “He does not have feelings like that for you anymore.”

“Are you sure?” Ed’s smile somehow growing even bigger. “Don’t you wonder now if he’s just picturing me when he’s with you? If he’s using you until he can have  _ me?  _ I mean how convenient was it that after our fallout you two got together. If I were you I would be scared that I was a rebound or maybe you just like that?”

“I’m not a rebound, Ed,” Jim replies, forcing himself to roll his eyes and pretend like he isn’t now considering it. “And I know he’s not picturing you when he’s with me unless your name is suddenly Jim.”

Ed shrugs and smirks before getting out of his seat. “Just something to consider, Jimbo. Anyway, I must be going, so much to do.”

Jim watches Ed walk away thinking about what Oswald sees in him. Does Oswald really love Jim or is he just a convenient replacement? What does Jim have going for him? He’s a low paid detective who will probably get killed in the line of— Wait he’s here to arrest Ed!

“Nygma!” Jim yells, which causes Ed to immediately pick up speed and escape the backdoor of the bar. Jim chases after him but he’s no match for Ed’s head start and long legs.

Frustrated, Jim gets back to his shitty car and makes his drive back home to the Van Dahl manor. Unfortunately, that also gives him time to think.

Jim can’t even catch a criminal that was right in front of him. What is wrong with him? Why is Oswald with someone so useless? It took him weeks to even solve all the puzzles with enough time to spare to confront Ed and this happens when he does. Those many weeks of Oswald having to be lonely at home, those many missed dinners and nothing to show for it. How many more weeks will this have to go on for? It’s not fair to Oswald.

By the time Jim gets to the house, he’s begun to formulate a plan to fix this. He’s going to set Oswald free and let him be with someone who is actually capable and who Oswald can truly love completely. But first he’ll allow himself one last night with his love.

Because he solved Ed’s puzzle quicker this time around, he’s home barely past 10, meaning Oswald is still here and awake. Jim immediately beelines to Oz’s office, barging in without a care for the criminal evidence that is probably spread all around the room. Another reason why Jim should let him be with someone else. Oswald wouldn’t have to hide information from him.

“Jim!” Oswald exclaims, slamming the file he’s looking at closed. “I didn’t expect you home so early!”

Jim doesn’t say anything. He just walks over to Oswald, who’s now watching him attentively, and drops himself into his lap. Oswald wraps his arms tightly around him just as Jim buries his face into Oswald’s neck and clings to his shoulders. 

“Are you okay?” Oswald whispers concerned, beginning to rub Jim’s back. 

Jim nods into Oz’s shoulder and slides a hand from his shoulder into his hair. Once Jim’s sure his face is semi composed, he pulls back from the safety of Oswald’s shoulder and looks into those beautiful green eyes.

“I love you,” Jim says softly. “I’m sorry I haven’t been home but I love you so much. Please know that.”

Oswald face looks even more concerned than when Jim silently walked to him. “Of course I know that. I love you too. Jim, what’s wrong?”

Jim smiles sadly before shaking his head then catching Oswald’s lips with his own. He puts all his heart into the kiss. If this is going to be his last night with Oswald, he wants to make it the best one. The hand that’s not buried in Oswald’s hair starts fumbling with Oswald’s tie and then the buttons on his shirt. Just as Jim gets halfway down the shirt buttons, Oswald stops him with a hand grabbing his own. Oswald pulls away from the kiss and looks at Jim again.

“Maybe we should take this upstairs to our room,” Oswald says, his face still showing concern.

“Yeah sure.”

Jim stands before helping Oswald up out of his seat. He holds his hand as he gently pulls Oswald to their bedroom. He needs to convince Oswald that he’s okay. This is supposed to be a night of love and he can’t do that if Oswald thinks he’s not okay.

Once they reach their room, Jim quickly strips down to his boxer briefs as Oswald goes to sit on their bed. When he’s done he climbs back into Oswald’s lap, straddling him, one hand back in his hair the other arm wrapped around his shoulders. Oswald in return rests one hand on his cheek and uses the other to hold Jim in his lap.

“Tell me what’s wrong,” Oswald whispers staring into Jim’s eyes. “I want to help but I don’t know what’s wrong.”

“Just work,” Jim says with a smile he fakes. “Nygma’s puzzles are just getting to me.”

Technically, that’s not wrong. Nygma’s puzzle was getting to him, just not the puzzles Oswald thinks. 

“I just want to spend one night with my boyfriend not thinking about it,” Jim continues.

Oswald’s thumb gently rubs Jim’s cheek and smiles softly. “Okay.”

\----

The next morning Jim wakes up to Oswald’s naked body wrapped around him. A smile forms on Jim’s face before he remembers his talk with Ed yesterday and the plan he made following it. He was going to miss waking up to Oswald but Oswald deserved better. He deserved someone smarter, someone who could be home every night, someone who he didn’t need to hide a piece of himself from. Someone that wasn’t him. 

Jim wiggled his way out of Oswald’s grasp, careful not to wake him and got ready for his day. Before he left for work, Jim laid a soft kiss to Oswald’s forehead. 

The day went by too quickly for Jim’s liking. Apparently, last night after Ed escaped him, he setup more puzzles to solve that were much harder than the previous ones. For once Jim was actually grateful for them because they kept his mind occupied and by the time Jim arrived back home, Oswald was headed out to do his more criminal business. Jim feigned a yawn to avoid Oswald’s goodbye kiss because he knew if he kept kissing Oswald he wouldn’t be able to go through with his plan. 

Once Oswald had left, Jim ate a quick sandwich dinner and got into bed. Of course, he couldn’t fall asleep when he got into bed, his mind reminding him of his failures, of how he was a second choice, of how he needed to set Oswald free so Oz could actually be happy and not just settling.

The next week followed the same routine, Jim coming home late, avoiding Oswald’s kiss with various of reasons until he stops trying, and then getting into bed and letting the negative thoughts consume him until he falls asleep. He was hoping that this slow pull away would make the final break much easier on Oswald.

It came to an end when Jim arrives home about a week after his meeting with Ed. Oswald was waiting in the kitchen when Jim came in to make his dinner. He was seated at the island looking solemn, fiddling with the sleeve of his shirt until he noticed Jim.

“Jim!” Oswald says, he expression shifting into a smile. “I thought we could eat dinner together since we’ve had such little time together.”

Jim slowly walks over to the seat next to Oswald. “Uh, yeah okay.”

Once Jim was seated Oswald leans over to kiss him but Jim quickly turns his head to avoid it, trying to ignore the sting of tears that were close to forming in his eyes. From the corner of his eyes, Jim watches Oswald sit back straight up.

“Jim please tell me what’s wrong. I know there’s something.” Oswald says sadly.

Jim swallows before turning to face Oswald with a fake smile. “There’s nothing wrong. I just think I’m coming down with something. Best not to get too close.”

Oswald gently takes one of Jim’s hands in his own, making eye contact with him. “Please, Jim, talk to me. We haven’t kissed properly in a week. You keep avoiding them. I just want to know how I can help you.”

“There’s nothing wrong, Oz,” Jim says, looking away. “I’ve just been tired because of work.”

Oswald closes his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose before dropping Jim’s hand completely. 

“Fine,” he says curtly before opening his eyes and standing up. “I’ll be here whenever you’re ready to talk.”

As Oswald turns and leaves the room and then the house, Jim’s heart shatters. Fuck, he had hurt Oswald more than he intented. This wasn’t part of the plan. He had wanted to pull away until he could let Oswald go without hurting him. He wanted Oswald to be free to be with someone better. To be with Nygma if he so chose. 

Jim ended up going to bed without dinner. Oswald didn’t crawl into their bed until the early hours of the morning. Jim slept a grand total of two hours that night before having to get up for work. 

The work day seemed to drag, between the exhaustion and the heartbreak, Jim couldn’t concentrate on anything. Harvey kept shooting him concerned looks. As the end of the work day approached, Jim was looking for any task to avoid going home. Surprisingly, there was no puzzle left for them by The Riddler today so he had stared at paperwork the whole day. Once the clock hit quitting time, Harvey stood up and eyed Jim who didn’t move to get up.

“Wow I could use a drink,” Harvey says in the most unsubtly tone ever. “Wanna tag along, Jim?”

Jim looks up at Harvey suspiciously but anything to avoid going home would work. “Yeah let’s go.”

\---

One drink turned into multiple and before Jim knew it he was stumbling drunk into the manor with Harvey barely holding him up. 

Oswald must have a Jim-sense because he practically appeared out of thin air in front of them with an eyebrow raised and his hands on his hips.

“Ozzie!” Jim exclaims, pushing off Harvey and tripping toward Oswald.

Once Oswald caught Jim in his arms he looks towards Harvey. “When I said talk to him I didn’t mean get him blackout drunk!”

“You’re so pretty, Ozzie,” Jim says, stroking his hands down Oswald’s chest in what is meant to be a sweet gesture but ended up being way too rough. Jim then wraps his arms tightly around Oswald’s torso in what could only be an impression of an octopus.

Oswald tries holding onto his anger at Bullock with a cuddly Jim in his arms. “Harvey I think it’s time you leave. Thank you for bringing him home safe.”

“There are two Ozzies!” Jim exclaims, “Wait why are there two Ozzies?” 

“Yeah, sure. I needed to leave anyway before things get weirder.” Harvey replies before heading back out the front door, closing it a little too hard behind him.

Oswald rolls his eyes at Harvey’s departure before looking back at Jim who is basically hanging off his neck now.

“Dear, I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Oswald says with a soft smile at Jim’s bizarre statement.

Jim continued, ignoring Oswald’s statement. “There are two Ozzies! But I only see Ozzie, you only see me right?"

Oswald’s face scrunched up in confusion. “There’s no one else here, Jim.”

“Nooooo,” Jim whines then points at Oswald’s forehead which ends up being more of a rough finger jabbed into his forehead. “In here!”

“Ow, Jim!” Oswald snaps at him.

Jim’s face crumbles and he frowns in confusion looking at his finger. “I’m sorrrry. Please don’t leave me.”

Jim then buries his face into Oswald’s neck and somehow holds onto him even tighter. Oswald rubs at Jim’s back thinking over Jim’s last statement. He needs to get Jim sobered up and talk about that. It’s very concerning that Jim thinks Oswald is going to leave him unless something happened. Did something happen?

First things first though, Oswald needs to get Jim upstairs and somewhere more comfortable. The walk up to their bedroom is slow with Jim constantly switching between cuddling up on Oswald and leaning back to take his weight off Oswald who is struggling to hold them both up with his bad knee.

Finally they make it into their bedroom where Oswald gently helps Jim sit on the mattress. Once he’s settled, Oswald attempts to untangle himself from Jim to retrieve a glass of water and painkillers for him. Oswald briefly gets himself untangled before Jim makes a pitiful whine and grabs tightly onto his sleeve.

“Please don’t leave!” Jim says sadly.

“Okay, dear,” Oswald says before kissing Jim’s forehead and sitting down next to him. 

Jim immediately wraps back around him and pushes them down into a horizontal position. They spend the rest of the night cuddled with Oswald rubbing Jim’s back until they both fall asleep.

In the morning Oswald is awake before Jim. He contemplates getting ready for the day but Jim and him have an important conversion to have and he’d rather be comfortable than formal for it. The more Oswald thinks about the past week of Jim pulling away from him and last night with Jim begging him not to leave the more Oswald gets worried. What did Jim do that made him so pained and distant? 

When Jim starts to stir Oswald is instantly on alert. Jim tightens grip on Oswald before freezing and pulling back. His eyes open and he looks at Oswald before looking away and getting up. Oswald takes his hand to keep him from walking away.

“Jim,” Oswald whispers. “You know we need to talk.”

“Uh, I have to get ready for the day,” Jim mumbles as he avoids looking at him.

“Jim you don’t work today,” Oswald says. “You know we need to talk about this.”

Jim scratches the back of his neck with his free hand then quickly glances at Oswald before looking away again. “It was nothing. Just drunk me being dumb.”

Oswald pulls Jim back into bed with very little resistance. He interlocks his fingers with Jim’s and then gently uses his other hand to guide Jim’s head so he’s looking at Oswald again.

“Jim, please trust me with whatever this is. I love you and I’ll always be here for you.” 

Jim’s eyes fill up with unshed tears. “Do you really love me? I’m not a replacement?”

“You could never be a replacement. You’re my whole heart.” Oswald whispers, lightly stroking Jim’s jaw using the thumb of the hand supporting his chin. Why would Jim think of himself as a replacement and for what?

“Not always, though,” Jim murmurs, some tears escaping to roll down his cheeks. “Before we got together there was someone else you loved. He had your heart. What if he still has your heart?”

Oswald lets go of Jim’s hand and uses both hands to cradle Jim’s face, stroking the tears off both his cheeks. Oh, he’s talking about Ed.

"I didn't feel for him as strongly as I feel for you. I've never felt this way with someone else. You're everything to me."

Jim closes his eyes so he doesn’t have to look Oswald in the eyes. “You deserve more than me, Oswald, and I’m afraid you’ll realize that soon. You’ll realize I’m just a step on the way to him and you’ll leave.”

Oswald shakes his head at the statement then softly kisses Jim’s lips before pulling away to whisper against them. “I wish you could see what you mean to me. You’re not a step on my way, Ed was. You’re my end. I want to be with you for the rest of my life, if you’ll have me. Please believe me.”

“After everything I’ve done? How?” Jim whispers sadly.

“I think I’ve done worse things than you, dear. To be honest, it should be me, the crime lord, asking you, the detective, to stay with me. I mean every day I ask you to look the other way for me.”

Jim practically slaps his hands on top of Oswald’s, holding on to them.

“I didn’t genuinely want to leave you. I pulled away because I wanted a break-up to easier on you. I wanted you to happy. You’re my person.” 

Jim was going to break-up with him to let him be with Ed? Oswald frowns. Why would he want to be with Ed anymore when he found a better love?

“Then please believe me when I say I’m not leaving you either. You’re the only one for me.”

Jim sighs before smiling at Oswald. “Okay. I just… I let other people get to me. I’m sorry.”

Oswald kisses him, with more passion this time. “It’s okay, love.”

Oswald was right not to get dressed for the day because the rest of their day is spent holding each other, only seperating to get food or use the restroom.

And if the next time Oswald sees Ed he holds his knife to his throat as he threatens him then that’s not something Jim needs to know.


End file.
